


Orderly Ordinary

by Arebas



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Loss of Virginity, Pre-Source Blood, Victorian, Victorian Attitudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arebas/pseuds/Arebas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed like nothing in her life would ever be standard and she was more than thrilled with the idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Helen, the Virgin Conqueror.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Faith for your generous editing and encouragement. Best beta ever!

Helen pushed herself up from the mattress, making sure her breasts were fully covered with her innocent white Egyptian cotton sheets. She revelled in the feeling of the fabric against her flesh, something she hadn't yet had time to grow accustomed to. Nudity was something she had only experienced in the warmth of her bath. Before she took him as her lover, she had never been completely undressed anywhere beyond the closed doors of her bathroom.

He seemed more at ease wandering about in the nude, even in her bedroom. She guessed it had more to do with age and a lifetime in the army than his bedding other women, nevertheless, she was taken aback with a pang of jealousy. She had been determined to prove to this man, this old friend of her father's, that she was not a child ever since Dr. Gregory Magnus had first introduced them.

After the polite exchange of words, she had told him of her intentions to follow her father's steps in medicine and he, almost jokingly, had dismissed her aspirations to become a doctor as a little girl's desire to emulate and please her father. She had wanted so badly to show him - and show perhaps the whole world - that she had her own mind and her own desires! It didn't matter how many times they denied her access to regulated studies in Oxford, she knew she would become a doctor. A real one. She was no silly little girl and she would make them see.

Even though Dr. Conrad Leach was well past twice her age and had served as a doctor for as long as she had been alive, in the few weeks he had been a guest in her father's house she had engaged him in - what he had later confessed - had been some of the most interesting conversation he had had the pleasure to enjoy in a very long time. Her intellect and knowledge challenged him in ways he never knew a woman could achieve and effectively made an impression. Her youth and her beauty, her last resource to inspire in him the desire she was so eager to explore herself. When he had finally taken her to bed, she was certain his chest was swollen with pride for the conquest: The young virgin seduced! A pleasure she would not deny him even though she knew she had been the only victor in this campaign. Helen, the Virgin Conqueror.

Their encounters had been few. His father ran his home in a rather unconventional manner but there was never much room for a young woman to be unchaperoned save, mostly, for her nights. And she had quickly learned to enjoy them. She truly wasn't sure what gave her more pleasure: the intimate way in which he touched her body or the knowledge that it had all been her own choosing. Against morals, against rules and, quite definitely, against the wishes of her father. Her one first step towards independence and away from his shadow.

And now here she was, sinfully naked in her own bed, while her lover walked shamelessly nude around in her chambers. He stopped and stood by the foot of her bed, the light from the fireplace making the skin on his back glisten with perspiration and Helen bit her lip a little too coyly to her taste admiring his broad shoulders and the curve of his spine. She wondered what he was looking for and she had the question already on the tip of her tongue when he spotted something on the floor and suddenly bent over. Helen gasped lightly, blushed and looked away. Her own embarrassment at the sight of him in such an undignified pose when he was clearly not bothered by it himself amused her. Suppressing a giggle she turned her head to look back at him. She was already defying every rule on decorum she had ever been taught, she might as well become accustomed to the sight of her lover from every angle.

But he was now standing again and Helen could admire his full profile. She didn't have anyone to compare him to. None other than the male figures she had seen in her art books or the very few corpses her father had let her glimpse on the rare occasions he had let her sneak into one of his lectures. But those were view under a strictly anatomical perspective and their nudity had never truly registered in her mind. She decided she liked his frame much better than any statue or any painting she had ever seen. He was not a young man any more but his body was still well toned and so powerfully alive.

He had bent to pick his jacket up from the floor, where it had been carelessly discarded long minutes ago, and he was retrieving something from his pocket. Helen briefly considered letting the sheet fall boldly to her waist and let her body talk him back to bed, back to her, but before she could dare to do so he threw the jacket on the armchair by her window and walked towards the bed.

Helen lay back on her pillows and welcomed him, arms open. He crawled his way up her body and kissed her deeply. She let her hands slide down his back, sweat and the air in the room having cooled off his skin, and she broke the kiss and disentangled herself from the sheets to cover him with them. He settled himself comfortably between her legs and placed two soft kisses on her bare breast before balancing his weight on his left forearm as he loomed above her. He produced a little velvety box before her eyes and opened it with nimble surgeon fingers.

Helen looked at the ring and back into his eyes, unsure of what to say. His smile was warm, tender and confident.

"Would you, Helen?"

She smiled at the unconventional phrasing of the proposal. It seemed like nothing in her life would ever be standard and she was more than thrilled with the idea.

"Could I possibly be engaged to be married to a man whom no one even suspects was courting me?"

He laughed softly, aware of the secrecy of their intimate relations.

"I shall ask your father permission to court you at dawn and I shall ask for your hand in marriage by nightfall."

Helen found his solution very romantic and, quite surprisingly, a little upsetting. But she couldn't put her finger on what it was that made her uncomfortable. She had fantasized with the idea of becoming his wife and living and working side by side. But, perhaps, not yet. At an age where most of her childhood friends were already enjoying the joys of motherhood, Helen felt she still had a lot to learn. She always felt she would know it when the time was right.

She shifted under him and sat up resting her back on the headboard. He moved to sit by her side.

"I believe my father will have some reservations when it comes to our courtship. I don't believe you're the kind of gentleman he would have expected to seduce me. I don't think I quite believe it myself."

Her tone was sultry and yet she pulled the sheet back up her chest. She was still playing the seduction game she had so recently discovered, but she knew she was only stalling. And she didn't know why. Something in the confidence with which he had assumed she would accept his proposal bothered her. Certanly, her father's permission was not something she thought she needed, his blessing however, was very much desired.

"We will make him believe. I can hardly believe it myself, Helen. You're so young, so beautiful, so loving. I can't believe I've found you. My second chance at happiness. My second chance at a family. I had given up my hopes but here you are..."

And he took her hand from her chest and put his ring on her finger.

Helen looked at it and tried to put a name to the feeling at the pit of her stomach but found none.

"We shall be happy, shan't we?" - She asked, her gaze still on the ring - "We could work together and you could teach me until I..."

"Yes, yes..." He kissed her hand and then her lips, swallowing her words. When they separated, she could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"I will be the envy of every man in the field with such an assistant. So much I could accomplish with you by my side," - He kissed her fingers one by one - "you will give a new meaning to my work and, when the children come, a new meaning to my life..."

She pulled her hand away from his and looked straight into his eyes.

"I don't wish to assist you. Not, always. I wish to be a doctor."

He smiled and shook his head lightly and Helen felt her heart sink. She had failed. All this time she had thought she was proving her worth to him, showing him all she could become, her potential... yet, he had not seen it.

"I shall be a doctor." She said in what she realised was more an effort to confirm it to herself than him.

"Oh, Helen..."

And there was something so patronizing in his tone that Helen felt like crying. She suddenly felt like the little girl who discovers she's made a mistake in her school work when it's too late to correct it. And she hated it. Gathering all the pride she could find, and trying to sound as collected as possible, she slipped the ring off her finger.

"Conrad, I am afraid I cannot accept your proposal."

_____________________________________________________________________

The sky was getting lighter by the time he finally sneaked away from her room, his steps tired and his shoulders low. Both their hearts heavy with regret and disappointment at the promise they had imagined the other would bring.

He had insisted in his proposal, assured her that she would thrive in a life by his side. He trusted her work, her intelligence and her instincts - but he didn't believe a woman was suited for a doctor's work and the sooner she got that notion out of her head and faced reality the happier and fuller her life would be. He had begged her to trust him and trust his many years of experience.

She knew his words were wise and still could not believe them. And even though he spoke from experience and love, she couldn't imagine giving up her dreams that easily. Not after all the work she had put in them and the faith she had in her own abilities.

The conversation was over when he insinuated that she was too young to know what was best for her. She realized she might have been naive to think she could convince a man like him of the future she was trying to procure for herself but she wouldn't let anyone dictate what she could and could not achieve in her life. She felt trapped by her gender and age and, while youth was something she was sure she would come to miss when it were gone, she couldn't understand why her sex should feel like a fence around her. She had enough limits to push forward and walk through as it was, her husband should be someone to help her move ahead, not keep her confined within what was expected from her. If there need to be limits, she should set them herself. She asked him to leave her bedroom, there was nothing else to add.

He had kissed her cheek and closed her door softly. And Helen curled under her sheets: She felt terribly sad, terribly lonely and terribly naked.


	2. Orderly Ordinary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am honouring your daughter and I honouring my duty as a gentleman when I say that I have shared her bed and enjoyed her favour and, in doing so, taken her virtue."

After a sleepless night Helen got up late and was therefore alone for breakfast. She took a few sips of her tea and left the table in search of her father. She needed a distraction and she could offer to help prepare his morning lectures before he left. Unless he had been called earlier in the morning, he should be in his study.

She knocked on the door and didn't wait for an answer to come in like she did every morning. She was surprised not to find him alone.

"I am sorry father. I will come back later..."

Gregory Magnus extended his hand towards her and shook his head.

"Please, Helen, come in. We were talking about you."

And Helen felt her heart jump to her throat when she saw Conrad there. Had he been talking to her father? About her?

She took the hand her father was offering and let him pull her closer to his side. "I was not aware Dr. Leach and you had developed a friendship, Helen. I thought you were humouring your old father entertaining his guest."

Helen tried to smile.

"I enjoyed every one of my conversations with Dr. Leach, father. I never felt it was my duty to entertain him."

Gregory Magnus wrapped Helen's arm around his and patted her hand softly.

"So he's been telling me, darling. He also asked if perhaps you would like a more formal approach to this... friendship."

Helen felt her father's discomfort on his voice. She assumed it was due to the fact that he couldn't really believe she would fancy his old friend. She smiled nervously at him and she saw nothing but warmth and tenderness on his face. She wondered if maybe her father had been shocked to hear about Conrad's request, if maybe he had been trying to disuade him of this idea when she had come in, trying to save her from the unpleasantness of having to turn his offer down herself. She would have to, but not for any of the reasons her father might expect. She couldn't believe Conrad would corner her in such a way. She was still gathering her thoughts when he spoke and Helen met his eyes with dread, her heart racing in her chest.

"I have asked your father for permission to court you, Helen. I know you may think it's old fashioned - as I am - and may think it's not what you need at the moment but... I believe that these past few weeks we've come to know each other rather well and I would be lying if I didn't say that I would be the happiest man on Earth if you would give me the chance to prove to you the kind of life I could offer."

Helen started trambling. In anger or sadness, she wasn't sure. Her father wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Helen, sweetheart, are you alright?"

"I am fine father." But the tremor in her voice gave her away.

Gregory Magnus was not a man with a proclivity to suspicion but he knew something wasn't right with the situation. If he knew his daughter at all - and he was certain he knew her well - he was sure she was not a woman to feel faint at the idea of courtship or marriage. She had been rather vocal about them before.

He had found the whole conversation with his old friend a bit odd to say the least. If there was one thing he knew is that his daughter didn't need his permission to establish any kind of relationship. She might seek his approval, but definitely not his permission. He had assumed it had been Conrad's idea, since he was, like he had been, a man of a different time, but Helen's emotional response seemed disproportionate.

"I am honoured that you'd have me in such high esteem, Dr. Leach" she said looking straight into his eyes "but I am afraid I am too focused on my medical studies to do justice to such kind offer."

Having said these words, Helen seemed more composed and Gregory let go of her and turned to his desk to grab his pipe. The situation was becoming uncomfortable for them all and he needed something that would help him think.

As soon as he let go of his daughter, Conrad approached her. Holding both her hands in his he simply said "Helen, please, be reasonable."

Gregory Magnus stood with his pipe firmly held in his fist. It wasn't the familiarity in which his friend had addressed his daughter that bothered him but her stiffness at his touch. Helen was warm and friendly to almost anyone she had ever met and he could easily see her discomfort with Dr. Leach's advances.

"Dr. Leach, I believe I made myself clear."

Helen was sure now of what lay behind her shivering: It was anger. Anger at having her desires so blatantly discarded and her request so shamelessly ignored. The fact that he was doing so in front of her father only made her feel a humiliation she didn't think she deserved. It was clear now that he had loved her and wanted her far more than she had dared believe but she couldn't bring herself to love him back with the same intensity. She didn't think it was fair that he could demand she do so in such a way.

Gregory Magnus could understand how a man like Dr. Conrad Leach might see a suitable companion in his daughter. But he was also aware that Helen was not a woman like any other. Women her age would jump at the occasion to have a suitor like Dr. Leach: a true gentleman, a respected surgeon among his peers and, while not exactly young, still not old enough to be considered too old to marry and start a family. He had lost his chance when his wife had died some years before and he had never been cause of scandal of any kind since.

But Helen was Helen. And she wasn't interested. So Conrad would have to give in.

"Ah, Conrad." He calmly said, "Hard as we might try, the hearts of women will still remain a mystery to us." And he lit up his pipe, hoping to relieve the tension in the air with his carefree tone. "Accompany me to my morning visits. Perhaps it would be better to stick to the hearts we know: Those of the patients on our hands."

Helen appreciated her father's way out and she extricated her hands away from Conrad's but he had his eyes glued to hers, the look on his face that of a man who is drowning. And when he spoke, his voice was grave.

"I am truly sorry, Gregory, dear friend" - he started, and Helen felt a knot in her stomach and the tears well up in her eyes - "and I am truly sorry, Helen" - and then taking his eyes away from her he turned to her father and holding his chin up high, he simply said "but I am honouring your daughter and I honouring my duty as a gentleman when I say that I have shared her bed and enjoyed her favour and, in doing so, taken her virtue."

Helen felt the tears burn hot in her eyes. Rage and humiliation now mixed with the terrible feeling of having let her father down. He had never asked her to stick to what social decorum dictated if she deemed it unnecessary but he had set some moral standards to which he abided and had always assumed she did too. Her virtue had never been a matter of discussion among them but in her mind it was clear that her father had expected her to remain a virgin until she wed. She couldn't face looking at him. Or Conrad.

He continued talking.

"And though I went to her bed unrighteously, I never meant to bring shame upon her. I was determined to do right by her and marry her should she be willing. I still am."

Helen lowered her head in shame and cried for the respect from her father she was certain she had lost. She cried silent tears for herself, for her own naïveté at thinking an older man, a man of the world, would see in their affair what it had been: a discovery, an experiment, her own way to grow out of her skin.

Gregory Magnus was torn between punching the man on the face or confronting his daughter.

"Helen" - He finally said.

She didn't answer.

"Helen, is this true?"

She nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

Gregory couldn't believe his daughter would go to bed with the man before him. His friend now seemed so foreign, so small and old and strangely ugly. He suddenly seemed very different from the man he once knew. He had trusted his daughter blindly. If there had been times when he had feared for his daughter's honour, it had come from the knowledge of men's ways. And accordingly, like every father would do, he had made sure she was never left alone with a young man. But he had never thought she would give herself willingly so easily. Not to him. Not like that.

"Helen, did he force himself on you?"

Helen couldn't stop a sob when she tried to speak, her voice merely a whisper.

"No, father. He didn't. I am sorry, I am so sorry."

Helen dared not look up, afraid to see the smug smirk she imagined Conrad had or the disappointment she could feel in her father.

"Helen," she heard her father say in a tone that was kinder than she expected "look at me."

She moved slowly.

"Dr. Leach is willing to repair the damage and marry you. Would you take him?"

She tried to read her father's face for an answer that would satisfy him. She tried to think of what was expected of her. Certainly she should marry the man who had bedded her, that's what propriety dictated. However... her father seemed as displeased with her behaviour as he did with Conrad's. She looked at him in anger, anticipating a satisfied grin but found none. He looked as hurt as he did the night before, when she had asked him to leave her room after they had made love for the last time.

As much as she hated what he had done and the cowardly way in which he had cornered her, she couldn't bring herself to hate the man. He loved her. He loved this simpler and easier version of herself he had fabricated in his mind but he had meant no harm. Still, she could not become his wife.

"I would rather not marry him, father."

Helen tried to swallow the lump in her throat her lover's face gave her as she spoke those words. The brilliant doctor, the army man, defeated by her negative to love him. She had been his, but he wouldn't keep her. He had called her his second chance at happiness - his words were still echoing in her ears - and she couldn't bare to see the sadness in his eyes. She wish she could undo what she had done.

Gregory Magnus stood in silence and Helen feared for a second he might try to change her mind. After all, it wasn't her good name she had debased but his. She knew he was not a man to worry over social status and much less gossip but norm dictated that in these circumstances it would be better to see his daughter married than to continue to share his name with her. But she needn't have to worry about it for much longer because her father walked two steps toward the man in front of him and offered him his hand.

"I am sorry for the way in which you shall leave this house. I believe you were trying to do right by my daughter after you had caused much damage but Helen doesn't think this marriage suits her" - both men shook hands as Gregory went on - "I won't deny that her reckless behaviour came to me as a shock, but I trust her good judgement and she has given me no other reason to believe she doesn't know what is best for her in this situation."

Helen felt her shame grow deeper listening to her father's words, but she also took solace in the knowledge that he still valued her opinion and common sense in spite of the terrible mistake she had just made.

"You are welcome to stay in my house for as long as we had convened, however, I do think it would be best if you could arrange an earlier departure. I am sure this situation is as unpleasant for you as it is for us."

Helen looked at her former lover one more time, and she no longer felt anger nor rage, but a deep painful sadness. She felt sad for him, for what they might have had if he had shown a little more faith in her. She might have remained a faithful wife and lover had he only accepted the possibility that she had much more to offer than that.

Conrad apologized once more as he agreed to Dr. Magnus' terms; He would find a place to stay in London until he could arrange an early trip home. He said goodbye to Helen with a nod, unwilling or perhaps unable to do so with words, before leaving the study.

She remained quiet, waiting for whatever her father wished to say to her. She had no excuses to offer, but she was willing to explain herself. She owed him that - she owed it to herself too. If she were to carry the name they both shared with pride again, she would have to face her father's disappointment in her and make amends.

So she swallowed hard, wiped the last tears off her face and braced herself for any harsh remark he had to make.

Gregory walked back to his desk and left his pipe, unsure of how to start the conversation. He saw his daughter wipe off her tears and took in Helen's posture, her deep breathing and the blush on her cheeks. As uncomfortable and difficult the whole exchange had been to him he could imagine it had been a thousand times more shameful for his daughter. His heart ached with the realisation that this was no longer a little girl standing valiantly before him but a woman. A woman that still needed him. He knew then that there was nothing Helen could do that would make him love her any less than he did now.

"Are you alright?" - he finally offered sweetly, his tenderness causing Helen to look up to him almost startled. She put a hand to her mouth to try and choke a sob and, helplessly, shed fresh new tears.

At the sight of her daughter in such distress, he couldn't help but walk to her and hold her in his arms. He let her cry on his chest, his hands drawing soothing patterns on her back. He whispered the same soft words he did when she was a little girl who'd just lost her mother. For some long minutes, Helen simply clung to him and let him ease the pain.

"Oh, Helen..." he told her softly when he felt her relax in his arms, "will you ever do things in a more orderly fashion?"

She pushed herself away from his chest.

"I don't think I can, father" she replied softly causing the older man to chuckle lightly.

"No, I don't think you were meant for ordinary, orderly ways".

Helen looked up to him and dried her tears, a faint smile again on her lips.

"But I shall be the best doctor you've ever met. I shall make you proud again, Father, of that I am sure".

And Gregory Magnus pushed aside all thoughts of the girl he once knew to get a good look at the woman she had become, a woman whose determination shone bright in her eyes. And suddenly he knew that he couldn't be more proud of being Doctor Magnus than knowing the title would carry on with his daughter.

"And I will see to that, Helen. I will see to that."

**Author's Note:**

> A big part of me firmly believes that John was Helen's first lover but then I also think she must have been several years older than The Five when they first met and I don't think Helen would have shied away from exploring that area of knowledge at a younger age. Hence my dilemma!


End file.
